Thursday, July 7, 2011
Am I good enough...for you?
This is a creative whinge.
You might need some crackers and cheese to go along with it.
I know I am not the only artist to ever feel this way: like all my creativity has drained away. I have no more good ideas, and I possibly never had any to begin with.
I am surrounded by some AMAZING artists and I produce detritus.
And all of this is happening while I am in the middle of what should be the most amazing artistic high.
My ad for Fire Mountain is about to be released on the back of Polymer Cafe. Im still in awe and shock. I did that accomplishment.
How on earth did I manage that? Me, when I feel barren of good ideas.
I know I worked hard on my little hat, but I've worked hard before without recognition or reward.
Impostor Syndrome is a term to describe the condition of not feeling qualified or deserving of the work one is doing, or a sense of inadequacy even though facts indicate the opposite. Apparently it is something that artists supper from. I think I am fully in the throws of it now.
Please don't think Im fishing for complements, I'm not (I do love them and appreciate them). Im not trying to drum any up for and ego fest. I'm trying to recognize the creative slumps come with creative highs, and how to get away from them. How does one maintain a certain level of creativity. I don't expect everything I do to be amazing, but wouldn't it be nice to be able to create at such a high level consistently.
Tomorrow a friend and I are going to make some creative destruction journals. She has one she acquired from the book store. We are going to make modified ones for our kids. And one for me. Im hoping that the pressure of completing competition pieces, being turned down to vend at a local arts festival, can be resolved by the creative destruction of a journal.
And then Im going to find my personal reserve of awesome sauce. I'm going to make some nifty cool pieces. Im going to stop making pieces that I find to be mediocre or just enough to get by with. Im going to realize that just because a style is popular with artist does not mean I need to work that way, and I don't need to "make something like that." Im going to start technically and creatively challenge myself. I am good enough for someone, what I need to be is good enough for me!